The Right to Govern

To speak or to write our opinions is to take action in the world, and things that have been simply imagined become a part of reality. I have never been afforded the luxury of a career in life, as much as I have wanted it. But my time is very valuable I think, it doesn't really matter that I've never been paid to make a decision. I've never been able to command a fee just for my opinions, that sounds like nice work if you can get it. My words and my opinions are becomeing documented herein, and therefor work has been accomplished. It may be considered as evidence of rational thought; or it may just serve to prove how much a medical condition has governed my life and developement. I have been diagnosed as bi-polar and to be honest I have suffered a great deal in life. At first I didn't believe in the medical condition, and the medications I received didn't really help that much. But these days I do believe, fortunately the science of psychiatry has advanced a great deal over the past 20 years. Many years ago a doctor who worked at the Hopewell Clinic in Saint Louis, Missouri finally prescribed medication that worked. Medical Science has given me a certain advantage in life now, the advantage of an artificially regulated mood. I take medications daily and I will take them for the rest of my life because there is no cure. The condition is considered to be genetic in nature, apparently I was born this way. I can't help the way I was made, and I can't blame my parents, if anyone is to be blamed its our creator. Evidently our friend the creator is still trying to improve upon the Human Species, but clearly some people have been born with very debilitating conditions which do not improve the species one bit. Children who can not survive into adulthood and never become parents themselves. But as a group of people, Bi-polars have proven very successful at passing along our heritage. We are different but not enough to be considered a seperate species, and not especially blessed.

But in a way I have been blessed to experience the widest range of human conditions. From my own personal experience I have learned that we are really powerless over our own feelings, and feelings govern our thoughts to a large degree. No amount of positive thinking can turn a feeling hopelessness into hopefulness. When we are feeling hopelessness we can not help but think and wish for an end to our suffering.
And to be sure some of us have given up on life, we surrendered to those feelings of hopelessness, believeing in ill fate. I don't think its really a crime to give up the good fight, and to believe that we are powerless. I've heard people remark that God never gives us more than we can handle, but I think that sometimes he does.
Life's lessons can be very hard, and many of us learn that we really are powerless in the ways that we think important. But our judgement of what is truely important has never been very good; its hard to know exactly what it will take to be successful in life. Wealth, friends, family, intelligence, strength, speed, knowledge, faith; there are many ways to answer the question of success it seems.
To know that there is a God who cares about us, that is success and a gaurentee of victory. And knowledge is far better than mere belief.

Not everyone has been favored with a personal experience of divinity, and its hard to say why some people have been favored while others have not. And if we ourselves have no personal experience, its very easy to dismiss the testamony of others as a symptom of wishful thinking. The Human experience can be explained away perhaps because we are victims of our own biology. Chemistry plays a large role in how we do experience the Universe, and in subtle ways that we can never be fully conscious of.
Some aspects of life are simply beneath our capacity to notice them; and its not always easy to explain why we react as we do. The Human experience can be pretty extreem or even bizaar at times, but it is all genuine experience. Subsequently our behaviour may be deemed either appropriate or inappropriate by others observing us and judgeing us. But whether or not they are good judges, they can not experience the same thing that we experience. Therfor I believe that a fair argument could be made in favor of the idea that all human behaviour is appropriate, if only we could give full consideration to all conditions. But our limitations will not allow us to be aware of those conditions, therefor we make judgements from a position of ignorance.

We each have to decided that some things matter more than other things. We have to make judgements about tasks being more or less important. Clearly life comes with certain dependencies, and some jobs need to have priority over others. But thats not the same thing as making judgements about other people. Clearly some people should matter to us more than others, we are close to our friends, family, co-workers; seperated from others. There are varying degrees of seperation and we want to distance ourselves from those people who we don't care for; especially if their behaviour threatens our welfare. And if not deeds, even ideas alone may be construed as a threat. If some ideas became popular it could easily work out to be a dissadvantage for us, because the majority opinion is always the correct opinion. If a majority of the World's population consent to certain customs, then individually we are powerless to oppose. And of course we should all like to believe that we are important and that our opinions matter. But no matter how passionately we feel about our favorite principles, some opinions matter less.

I have grown beyond caring how other people will feel about me as a person, I have no reputation to risk. Being labled with a mental illness has turned me into a third-rate citizen, suspect. I have lived at the bottom of the scale of social acceptability, many of my old friends have forsaken me, and i've lost touch with several who did not. But in all my life I have met one person who truely believed in me; and her name was Eve. At the time I met Eve in a hospital ward, I was feeling betrayed by my own family. Eve was an elderly and unattractive woman then, she would easily be counted among the least fortunate of human-beings. She survived in the world by giving old men blowjobs and housework, and when that failed to keep a roof over her head she went to the psychiatric wards. As I said she was unattractive, her life and appearance both; but she was my friend. We spent some time together playing card games, and on several occassions she told me my fortune with a standard deck of playing cards. Eve said that I would save the world, and she believed it. And I said, "yes, but I don't know what needs to be done." I was only 19 at that time, still a young man, but I had made my commitment. Eve never really heard me tell my story, but she gave me recognition, she gave me validation, something objective. Thats something that we must depend on others to give, but for my own satisfaction I have already received enough.

So now i've had it in mind to save the world for a very long time, and I've given much thought to the problem. Enough to have a plan, a plan with dependencies. Even the most expert imagination can not guess how people will respond in every situation; and we don't know who we will be dealing with, or what they will be like. But I still need validation from our Creator, approval and consent to provide labor. I have no doubt that it is aware of the plan, whether or not i write it out in great detail. Because in truth we do not enjoy any privacy, even in our own thoughts; not from the One-True-And-Most-High-God at least and to whomever it does choose to reveal. I've said it before in the past, the Universe has a way of remembering itself; and our personal memories would naturally be a part of that memory.

From my point-of-view our Creator is a person who does experience the Universe in exactly the same way that we do experience it. It is a person of remarkable capacities, but as we experience suffering it also shares the experience with us. By our great crimes and our suffering the Great and Ancient Dragon has been wounded, and I have dedicated my immortal soul to healing those wounds. It has never truely been chained, it has always had the power to destroy us, but did exercise restraint out of hope perhaps. I'm reminded of a song by Jewel where she sings that, "We are God's Hands." Some people by thier example in life seem to prove the theory that we are the fallen angels and demons. I can not be too cynical about human-nature myself because I've enjoyed the opportunity to meet a few exceptional people in my life. I must agree that we have something here on Planet Earth thats worth saving.

If I am given the authority that I crave, I will proceed to do my work. Then the Earth can be renewed and a new Heaven will be revealed unto the children of Humanity. Not an End to our story in wrathful judgement, but a new begining. But I am not like Jesus was, within an instant of getting that power I would produce the threat of destruction. I would never allow the authorities of the world to punish me, or to restrain my freedom of travel. I will not forgive the people for being ill-behaved, i will not allow for ignorance to prevail as an excuse. The people who do have some authority in our world today may have good reason to consider me a threat to that authority. I would like to be counted among the champions of justice, and an enemy to tyranny in all it's various forms. But I'll settle for being the greater tyrant, because thats what the world deserves. And thats what it will take to establish peace on Earth, this is my final conclusion.