Dependance and Dependability

I have taken a position with an organization that advocates for mental health patients, It's called Mental Health America of Greater Saint Louis. My job is to teach a class called the Bridges Program, it's meant to inform and empower our clients to reach their life goals. Personally I can't think of one unaccomplished goal in my own life which would be obtainable. After years of personal experience dealing with disability and treatment, my own coping skills are still inadequate I feel. The next time i am facing a difficult and stressful situation in life I don't know how well I will fare. If I have anything to share that would help others cope better, I would be surprised. But the content of these classes is perfectly represented within a teacher's manual; and teaching the class consists of reading the material out-loud more or less. So I wouldn't say that its a difficult job for 2 hours per week over 10 weeks.

One of my good friends says I need to do this so that my life can have purpose again, but I think that my life is already meaningful enough, I don't really need to do more. But I took the teacher training years ago when it was available and now they need someone to do the work. I have been pursuing my case for disability benefits from our Social Security System here in the USA for many years. I once had them but I was taken off because I tried to work; unsuccessfully in my opinion. I maintain that I am unemployable and uncompetitive as an employee in the field of unskilled labor. A couple of Social Security Judges have already decided that I am able to work, but they've never taken the time to convince me they were right. In fact time is one commodity in short supply for a professional judge's it seems, they hold interviews which is not quite the same thing as a simple conversation.

Perhaps the only thing which is disabling me today should be defined as a Personality Defect rather than a medical condition. But I am the product of my life's experience; and it hasn't all been good or pleasant experience. Even though I have worked in the past, I never once managed to obtain financial independence. I was never able to support myself, let alone a family; I have always been dependent on my parents for support. They have always paid some of my bills, they paid for the cars and the car insurance, when I lived on my own they paid my rent. Still Dad has never once claimed me as a dependent in his tax filings even though that is the truth. If I fail to qualify for the disability benefits I also fail to qualify for the medical coverage from Medicare, which is something that I really do need. Otherwise all my medical expenses will be paid by my father, which I deem to be unfair because Dad worked and paid for the disability insurance all his adult life, and he shouldn't have to bear the full burden of my care. He paid for protection as every US citizen does; my psychiatrist is of the opinion that my case has been denied on the grounds that Dad is well-off financially.

Admittedly I've spent long hours worrying over the possibility I'll be drawn into court over my unpaid child support. But i'm unmoved to take any action in the matter that would eliminate that possibility, my attitude is one of waiting out the situation. I've also spent long hours worrying over such problems as the eventual extinction of my species here on planet Earth. I'm sure that most people would agree that it's well beyond my individual power to influence the outcome of historical events. And of course if we are truly powerless to change a thing, we should try not to be too concerned about possible futures. I would love to save the World for Peace on Earth, but clearly that goes well beyond my abilities. And to be honest, should I be the one to say how other people should behave; because changing the world means changing human behavior more or less. If I could do one thing to improve the quality of life for my own children, by all means I should try to do that thing.

My daughter is a bit older than the two boys and she's become disenchanted with the world and committed to serve God in some way. By serving God I think she means to convert people to the doctrines of Christianity, she's been posting a sort of video blog on youtube, airing her own convictions. If I could do one thing for my children they should see the Earth as I see it; as a wonderful and beautiful place to live. But then I would have to prove to them that Humanity only makes the world a better place, and that's a hard thing to credit. We know that bad things have happened in the past and that bad things continue to happen in modern times. And I want to sell them on the idea that this is HEAVEN, the world is perfect just the way that it is. I want to convince my daughter that everyone makes their own choices in life and that God guarantees each of us free-will; but she's already convinced that some higher-power is in control of the world for ill, the personality of the devil or Satan. If I try to suggest that no such spirit of pure-evil exists or has influence over the world she would be vehemently opposed. Conveniently this is exactly what our friend Satan wants people to think, I've been duped into believing it. Ultimately we ourselves are responsible for conditions here on planet Earth, we can not easily lay the blame on some higher-authority than humanity itself.

But still there really is a God who cares about us, at least I am convinced of that. A God who has everything and needs nothing from us not even our love. We are the ones with needs and desires, God is unlike one of us and we can never become like God or a God. We are entirely dependent upon God every moment of the day and we can never become independent; not even God can give us independence from his grace. The only thing that one of us really needs to feel happy, is to trust God to be dependable. "I know that I will never be forsaken, I've found my way into God's heart." If we can say this and believe in our heart that God is trustworthy, then we have won the greatest victory in life. And in this respect I have been remarkably successful, and I have never achieved a lot of success as the world defines success in life. I don't have to be the better man, I just have to improve myself. If life on Earth could be described as once Grade Role-Playing Game, then clearly the player's could be ranked in any number of ways. But once the full story has been told, our individual ranks don't matter. It doesn't really matter how well we compare to one-another, that some form of progress was made makes all the difference.

Once we come to full appreciation that we are Established within the Kingdom of Heaven (this Heaven) we are forever separated from the circumstances of our lives here on planet Earth. We can not be defined by our accomplishments, and we are not defined by our intellect or rationality. We are only defined by the fact that we exist and have existed as a part of this greater whole, and that we have been blessed with the gift of consciousness. Perhaps we really do have some definate beginnings here in the Universe, but now that we are a part of it we will be a part of it for as long as it lasts. And it may very well last forever, despite the fact that it also has a definite beginning by all appearances. We have to be satisfied that we live in Eternity even though ultimately we ourselves (and this Creation) are not eternal. Will consciousness endure beyond our mortal ends? We have a few good reasons to think that it might. We have a good reason to think that all of this physical stuff is NOT the sum total of Creation, there is still something more to this Universe, something that has never really been seen. But when we look out to the distant stars and galaxies we find the hard scientific evidence that there really is something more. And how many of us have heard a tale of the near-death experience? A few of us have died and been revived, and some of these people have a story to tell. A story of an experience and of a memory when there was no brain to remember it.

If God or Creator guarantees us certain individual and equal rights, its difficult to define what those rights might be. Clearly we all want more rights than God does guarantee, to this end we have established governments backed by the threat of violent means to secure the desires of a few. A portion of the world's population is served by tyranny, and we do not fight against tyranny when it serves us. Life is very very good for those people who get to make the rules and conditions. Of course its not quite good enough to be able to make rules, you have to be able to bind other people to those rules. But clearly even the threat of physical molestation is not enough to bind some people; because if they have a good reason to feel angry about something, they are often willing to die (and to kill) for a cause. This will to violence shapes our world, "Peace through Strength," we say and the power to destroy guarantees our right to govern the rest of the world. So long as the people place their faith in the idea that, "might makes right" it will always be like this. Popular consent and numbers of votes provide all the necessary rational for doing things a certain way. But I think that history has proven well enough that a man may have good reasons and still do the wrong thing. Enough people would argue that the world shouldn't be the way that it is, and its not the place of perfection that it could be. Life doesn't have to be hard or unpleasant, it could be enjoyable and comfortable for all the people. No one should be made to suffer so that someone else can get ahead of the game, but some pockets are always growing deeper while many people go without food and adequate shelter. How can we make sure that everyone has enough, there's too many of us and our numbers are constantly growing while the world's natural resources are dwindling. And all the while it seems fundamental human nature to struggle for a larger share; we'll take whatever we can get and always want more than we have.

We are all-together on the road to becoming something more than we have been. Its true that we each begin life with some small power over creation or reality. We are endowed by consciousness and therefor volition, a muscle to move hands and shape the world around us. And we have created tools that extend our reach and our strength, they empower us to do more. And we have created the Hierarchy in order to better organize a group effort to change the world in ways that a single person alone could never accomplish. Even given unlimited time and intelligence no one person could ever recreate the world as it stands today. And someone decides which jobs will get done, and what needs we can afford to neglect. And we all make these kinds of judgments to decide who we would like to have for our friends, and which people we can afford to neglect. And I guess we have to make these kinds of judgments because our capacity to pay attention is limited. But so long as we are all on this journey together, is it even possible that we could ever become more than merely human? Perhaps, as many of us do allow for higher-powers, we have something more to aspire too. We can imagine a Creator, a person of greater authority and greater power with unlimited reach within this Universe. And as soon as we imagine such a great person, we can imagine a multitude of lesser persons, a population of Angels and Demons above humanity yet beneath God. And according to the evidence of our own eyes and experience, there is a multitude of persons within this Heaven. We are all aware of many other persons just like ourselves, our peers; although some we may think are less than peers. I stand above someone else and perhaps there is a lord above me, hopefully someone that I can admire and respect. Or perhaps we should only give recognition and pay homage to the Lord of all Lords, the Creator himself. But of course very few of us have ever been given the opportunity to meet such a person. If such a person exists they seem to be undemanding, content to allow humanity to govern itself, making no effort to govern us here on Earth. Of course a great many people trust Moses and believe that a God did give humanity a few rules, more likely Moses used his best judgment and scribed the 10 commandments himself. I can very well appreciate and feel the anguish of a man who desires guidance from the God of his own belief when nothing comes. At least nothing as overt as a booming voice from the sky, if men ever do enjoy guidance from on high its never clear and obvious how it comes to us. But as I've heard a few people testify, and as Moses did claim to experience, and which i myself have experienced, occasionally there is some sign which represents objective reality for the observer and is undeniably divine or at least super-natural.

I met one person via Facebook who claims a personal experience of Jesus in the flesh, and said that the Lord gives him instruction frequently. He suggested that I pray to Jesus for the things I want, and keep a written record of the prayers that are answered. I esentially told him i wouldn't presume to make a score-card for Jesus; and while he may pray for the things he wants, he doesn't really know who or how many higher-powers can hear those prayers. If we speak the words out loud or write them down then practically anyone and everyone could be a witness to our desires. We've all heard someone pray before, in-fact we have some Prayers of Jesus in a written record. And who did Jesus say we should pray to, himself? I think he clearly said we should pray to this other person he called, "Heavenly Father." The writers of the New-Testament books have confused the issue further by saying that the father and the son are one and the same person more or less; and Jesus is presented as the Creator. But evidently Jesus was a human-being like us, with a definite beginning at the time of his conception, and before this moment in time we are nothing that can be accounted for. The Bible suggests that Life on Earth began as the Angels and Demons fell from Heaven, and it's a favorite doctrine of some that we did indeed enjoy some pre-existence and that perhaps we even chose to be here. But for all these people it is not a matter remembered but an article of faith, they have made an investment in this thing as truth, and if it is wrong they only stand to be disappointed. I for one am satisfied that I did not come here from somewhere else, nor was a choice made, clearly we don't always get to make a choice and choices are always being made of which we are completely unaware. Inevitably some of those choices being made by other persons will impact our lives directly. The person in question may very well be dead and long gone from our world and still exert some influence by a decision they made. The past decisions or discoveries which matter the most in our lives are usually very well documented whether or not we ever learn to read and understand them ourselves. These are our arguments, our rationality, whenever we take action in the world it has to make some kind of sense. And when we can see the sense of it, it becomes justifiable; if we can not make sense of it then it may be deemed unjustifiable.

Most human behaviors and acts deemed criminal will be counted as unjustifiable. There may very well be some kind of rational behind such deeds, but the rational may be considered one of insanity. Of course we like the world better if it all makes perfect sense, we would like to have a reason for our existence, a reason that we can understand. The sane rational world is the one we want to live in, a world where every human behavior and deed can be justifiable. Well it is all justifiable, and because human behavior is always justifiable in consideration of all conditions and circumstances, it is not punishable. We can always argue for a case of ignorance, a person did act without some knowledge, their rational may have been erroneous but perhaps it can be understandable how the error occurred? Jesus himself used this argument to suggest that humanity deserves a pardon, and not just on an individual case by case basis but as a community of people. There are things we have done as a community that might be punishable, but the people simply didn't know any better.

So there is my rational and my argument, the sum total of human behavior is always justifiable, the Earth is and has always been a place of perfection. If we have been victims of Insanity we are not to blame for this, in most cases we have been taught what to believe in. If we have been given bad instructions we are blameless for this. Our intellect and rationality has faults, and we are often motivated to act out of very passionate feelings, we don't always need a good reason for doing the things we do. In most every case we are able to make some kind of sense out of our own choices, decisions and actions. If my beliefs or my feelings and my faith make no sense to anyone else its of little consequence to me, I do not take my validation from the community of humankind, I only need to be presentable before my creator. In my own faith everything that we do experience that is subjective, can be rendered objective before God. God is the one great observer of all things, all human experience is genuine experience. When we honestly believe a thing, God knows exactly what it is we believe, therefore he is always aware of how we have been motivated.

I trust God, he may not guarantee my life to be free of all suffering, but I know that he's dependable for something that I will always need. I would love to be guaranteed freedom from molestation, freedom to travel unhindered by worldly authorities and to make my residence wherever I choose. I would love to be guaranteed the means get all manner of material goods. And above all else, I would love to be guaranteed the means and capacity to become something more than I am today, a person far less limited and far more empowered. If I could get one thing guaranteed for the whole of humanity it would be the long life, that they should be made to live again and long enough to become wise. My family and friends should all enjoy the opportunity to learn history first-hand, in conversation with the people who lived it. I think it is not wrong that we might judge one another, but we should all learn to be kind and forgiving judges. We only need to realize that an opinion is not a thing set in stone, our feelings may be subject to change over thousands of years of experience. And in the long run, whatever the truth may be, we should be happy with it.