Worlds Without End

It it we're possible for me to find a new world for the native american people; and deliver them from this Earth, I might be willing. If only I could take off my imaginary hat and produce the myriad habitable planets and then make them available to humanity; I think that I would immediately become the popular hero. But as soon as this becomes a possibility the people we begin to argue about who gets to go and who gets to stay. And if I could find suitable worlds then naturally they would be undeveloped worlds, therefore the people who go may expect to endure some hardships. There is so much about living here on Earth which is simply convienient, natureally some people wouldn't want to leave, not even for the opportunity of a private and personal world.

But so long as I have the power, I'm not going to give you the choice. All those people who should be considered meek can stay and everyone else must go! In this way it would clearly be possible for the meek to inhierit the Earth. And very easily all the world's problems of conflict, armed or unarmed, would be solved. Yes I should even go so far as to make a whole world available to individual people; and all those people who have always wanted to rule the world will finally have that opportunity unchallenged. Unfortunately the easy solution is unavailable.

Provided that I can win dominion, it would naturally be limited in extent. And I do have high hopes that one day it will extend to the far reaches of the solar system, but beyond that we still need approval from Heaven. For the moment my dominion extends only to the limits of my physical body; I do have some power over the world but it is no more or less than the power anyone else may have. Power beyond this is normally subject to approval from our peers in the world, and often depends on gathering followers or supporters. Ghandi is one man that i admire very much, and he won the love of his people and was able to accomplish much. But even if I never manage to win your love and admiration, I should still be able to accomplish something.

So if this sounds like something that you would like for yourselves, pray for it! And do not ask me to champion your cause before Heaven, I will not. But when we ask, Heaven knows what we truely want, and of course God knows as well. However if you are going to ask for something; let it be good for all people, and if it harms none then we might get what we want.

If we want something for ourselves, it should be something that may be good for all people to have. If we pray for disfavor to others, then we approve the same treatment for ourselves. You should always deal in the same way that you would like to be delt, for depriving another human being of thier dignity has great risks. Often people are willing to apply force to the problem of having thier own way in the world, but we should apply no more force than a persuasive argument. And always we must allow for disagreement. It should cause us no insecurity if someone else believes differently than we do. But the problem is not what people may think, but what they may do or say. Our feelings and beliefs do play a large part in governing our behaviour. When our personal interests seem to be at odds with the rest of the world, we must fight or endure hardship. If we can be very patient all our troubles may pass away, as we pass away from the world. But few people can be that patient, and I must admit that I don't like to be kept waiting for something good.

I can be found on the web

I maintain the following websites which may be of interest to the reader.

http://tokengamer.pbwiki.com/FrontPage

http://metalsun.pbwiki.com/

"The Oneness Of All Things"

I wrote this article quite a long time ago, i am reproducing it here now.

This atom exists in relationship to that atom, wether they are infintesimally
close or light-years seperated. It is a very simple truth to intellecualize.
This atom is part of the Earth, it exists in close relationship to every
other atom which is a part of the Earth. Now what is the extent of Earth's
history? Geophysicists speculate that the Earth was formed about five
billion years ago, and the astronomers believe that our solar system is
perhaps a billion years older than that. The Earth appears to have a
definate begining, a begining devoid of all life, living things appeared
much later. Some events in Earth's history have brought water to the planet.
The surface of the Earth cools to a rocky shell and in some places is
covered by oceans. Eventually the germ of life appears in the midst of
the Earth. Something which perhaps we could liken to a bacteria but much
simpler. The germ eats some mineral and excretes some new material molecule
into the environment. The germ grows and reproduces until there are large
populations in various areas. The germ diferentiates itself so that there
are many kinds consumeing and excreting different materials. Gas is released
by these processes and becomes atmosphere, soil begins to form from rock
and cover various places. The original germ is the origin of all other life
that we find today upon the face of the planet. All the various kinds of life
that we find were at one time but a single kind of life. And so the process
of the creation of life and of a biosphere for planet Earth has begun.
It would seem to us that this process must have some definate begining.

Life is a chemical process, it gathers in substance from its environment
and reforms this material into structural units. Those structural units
in the human body we call the amino acids. Now here we find ourselves
upon the earth, one kind of intelligent animal amongst many other kinds
of animals. We have become the tool makers, we give a form that we find
most desireable to everthing that we touch. Each of us is a peculiar
organization of atoms, and atoms into cells, and cells into organs,
and the organs into the functioning of the whole body. We have begun to
reorgainize the world around us, to give it a higher order of structure
and pattern and symetry. And because we are intelligent animals we have
ideas about the world around us, and we make sounds, and sounds become
words, and words come to represent our ideas. And so human beings live
together in families or communities and have discovered a way to
communicate ideas to one another. We begin the work of discovering and
naming everything around us, a work which we are still doing to this day.

So now the process of life we find has been going on upon the face of this
Earth for over a billion years. The origin of our own species in particular
seems to be at least one-hundred thousand years in the past. We have
abundant evidence that these statements are true, they are true. Living
things have a tendency to become something else and pass these new traits
on to their progeny, and we have named this process evolution. Yes it is
true then, we have sufficient proof to trust this completely; God creates
life with an evolutionary process. And this story tells us that we are all
related to one another. Every human being upon the face of the Earth bears
some kind of family relationship to every other human being on the planet.
Every person who has ever lived and every person who will ever be native
born of this Earth, we are related to. We can not always describe exactly
what this relationship is, we may have to look very far back into the past
to find a common ancestor with some of the people. But a common ancestor
most certainly does exist, the human race is only one race of creatures
then rather than many different races. Our similarities outweigh our
differences. And not only are we people related to all other people, but
we are also related to all other life. There is a relationship between
yourself and every other living entity on the planet, wether you choose
to see this or not. Do not be confused and think to yourself that this is
only a theory, this goes beyond a mere theory, it is fact.

As an individual person it would appear that we have a very definate
begining. We are born, before this we are formed within mother's womb;
from one egg cell and one sperm cell we have our beginnings. Now that
we have been born, we have become a mind unto ourselves, we have each
become unique persons. We are all told that we have souls, but what is
this thing? How do we define what the soul is? This is how I define the
soul, it is comprised of five different things. The four things that we
are most conscious of are what we 'do', 'say', 'think' and 'feel'. The fifth
part is comprised of your physiological state from moment to moment.
I will explain the fifth part better as your body chemistry, to some
extent you are aware of it and to some extent you are not. You know when
you are tired or when you are hungry or too cold, but you are unaware
of specific hormones being released within your body. And some of this
affect on your body chemistry comes from external sources, so it is good
to label the fifth part of the soul as simply 'environment'.


Therefor I have defined the soul as being the things which you 'do', 'say',
'think' and 'feel' as well as your 'environment' from moment to moment. The
soul is your personal story, it is your personal history, it is everything
that you have ever experienced as an individual mind. This is something
completely different from mind or spirit, spirit is the active principle
within your personality. Spirit is a combination of awareness and identity,
mind is that thing which observes and that thing which affects our will.
Your personal identity or sense of selfness is comprised of your soul but
also a part of it is what I would call the 'model of opinions'. The model
is something that everybody creates, it is our image of the world, it is
the thing we compare all events to. The model is how we imagine that the
world works and it is most significantly affected by our choice of opinions.
So wether or not these words grant you any new comprehension,
let me continue, seeing how nice and neat it all fits together is going to
take some thought on your part, and maybe some further explainations.

So I say that the soul is your very own unique and individual story. It is
comprised of REAL events, things that actually happened, it is part of the
ultimate truth of the universe. No matter what happens to you now, your soul
continues to be a part of the greater story of creation. In fact we can
make this observation, the entire Earth has ONE SOUL, and you are making
some personal contribution to that ONE SOUL. But wait, the soul of the
Earth is more than just the story of life, it is also the story of the
planet's formation within this solar system, before life even existed.
And does the soul of this Earth even really have a beginning? All this
STUFF of which the Earth is comprised came from - well do you all know this
story? These atoms were forged within the hearts of stars long since passed
from luminosity in the heaven. We have all kinds of elements here on this
Earth and we know that some could only have been formed from the super
nova. All of this stuff began, somewhere back in the depths of time as parts
of many different suns. And the stuff of which those suns were originally
comprised, we believe was formed by an event which we call 'the big bang'.
The model of this event has undergone significant revision recently but
ultimatetly every model agrees that all this stuff in the universe was
once contained within a single tiny point - that we call 'the singularity'.
And in this point we have finally discovered the ONENESS of all things.

The origin event seems to have been the creation of SOMETHING from NOTHING.
And ever since that point in time it has been all about reformation, the
stuff of creation is constantly becoming something else, the matter and
energy in the system is unchangeable, it can neither be added to nor
subtracted from. And even this event which begins as the ONE SOUL of
all Heaven, may not be the ultimate begining. It is possible that other
universes have existed, do exist, and will exist in the future. But for now
all we should concern ourselves with is this UNIVERSE, and I want to tell
you something about it.

I have a new theory for you all to consider and it goes like this:
"Consciousness is a force of nature.
"It is a force interactive with all matter and the vacum
"It does not depend upon the existence of life to be a force of nature.
"And this force is as everpresent and constant as the force of gravity."

It could get very technical about possible interactions and the full
ramifications if this theory were true, but there is a simple
way to state the evidence. Quantum theory says there is uncertainty at
the smallest possible scales we are able to examine, and that it takes
an observer to collapse the possibilities into one definate state. This
leads me to conclude that matter can not exist in discrete units without
an observer. Without the observer, the atom could not be an atom, it would
be spread out as a field of probabilities. The fact that protons began to
form within however many billionths of a second after the big bang is
clear evidence of the awakening of a mind, awareness!!! And this mind, for
all intents and purposes is the mind of God. This is a mind and a
personality that is completely aware of every atom in the universe. It knows
the exact relationship between one atom and every other atom, it knows
what each atom is a part of. This mind is always and ever, completely aware
of everything that we 'do', 'say', 'think' and 'feel' and our environment.
Such a mental capacity is completely incomprehensible to us. I can tell
you some things about it but I can not begin to describe what its like.
But I can tell you that it is NOT like a human mind.

Now i would like to step aside here and bring you up to speed on one little
fact. 'Heaven', what is it? Is it a real place? In the distant past, Heaven
was simply the place where the stars reside. Kings of old wanted to become
stars in the firmament of Heaven once they passed away from the Earth.
Heaven has become known by many people now as the place that you go when
you die, however this is not the case. 'Heaven', is just a more personal
name for this universe, the cosmos, the creation; we have many words to
describe this place we find ourselves in. And the Earth we now realize is
just one planet orbiting around one typical star among many, that star
is in motion within what we call the Milky Way galaxy, and this galaxy is
on a collision course with what we call the Andromeda galaxy. Heaven
happens to be the place that you go when you live, this place. To those
of you who did not realize this on your own, I say to you, "Welcome to
Heaven". God's house is a mansion of many rooms, and Heaven is but one room,
one possible universe in all the Eternal Kingdom. To those of you who did
not realize this on your own, I would like to say, "Welcome to the Eternal
Kingdom". But now if you have understood any of the things I have said,
then you will understand that I think of Heaven as a person, so when I say
'Heaven' you will know that I am refering to a person.

Now Heaven has a soul, that soul is a story or a book or a memory of all
things. Well at least all the things that we ourselves are concerned with.
And your own personal soul belongs to Heaven, "Your soul IS Heaven's soul".
Your own personal story is, as far as we are aware, completely a part of
the story of this universe. Now here is the neat little catch, "Heaven's
soul IS your personal soul!" What this means is that the full story of
creation from beginning (if it has one) to present, is your very own
personal story. Where do we really have our beginning, was it in the womb?
Was it when the very first human being was born? Was it with the beginning
of all life on planet Earth, the primordial germ? OR what if we should
consider that the thing which defines you most is your personal collection
of atoms? Then we know that the atoms which comprise your body were formed
within the hearts of stars long since burned away, is your personal
beginning with the death of those stars? OR does it go back even further
than that, to the main event, the origin of all the matter in the universe?
Indeed, the full story of your own personal existence is every bit as eternal
as the universe seems to be, it is without a beginning but has many
beginings. And will your own personal story ever end? Many people
unfortuanately have this opinion that it will end at a very definate time.
Although it does not seem that our lives are eternal, our souls are eternal.

Now what, if any of this information, should become a practical part of our
lives and our thinking? Well let me ask you to look at your neighbor, and
recognize maybe for the first time, that person is a part of your family!
Look at someone else and try saying this to yourself, "That person's soul,
is my soul!" Try shouting outloud, "There is one soul, and we all share it!"
Being able to say these things, and believe these things is just the
begining. As I implied at the begining of this document, the ONENESS of all
things is very easy to intellecualize. To fully master this concept and
make it a complete part of our world models and opinions, takes some effort
and time. It is time to rexamine our opinions of the world and each other,
take stock of the judgements that you have made in the past and take a new
look at the big picture through a new set of eyes. I wish you peace, long
lives and gain wisdom.

He Validated My Faith In Humanity

Once upon a time I made a trip to Adam Ondi Ahman, this is a property that is owned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is situated in Davies County, Missouri; near the town of Gallatin. This land has a very interesting history, the Latter-Day Saints once tried to build a settlement there, but were driven away. Joseph Smith the Founder and Prophet of the church said that the center of the Garden of Eden once stood here in the middle of America! There is a place near Independence, Missouri called Jocomo Park, it was in this small valley of land that the Tree of Life once stood according to Joseph. And at the time that Adam and Eve were evicted from the garden, they ended up at Adam Ondi Ahman. Its curious how young Joseph came to believe such things, but its become something of a legend among the church members.

I have some family history on my mother's side in the vicinity of Davies County. My great Grandfather Robert Lee Reynolds had a farm in the area. When great Grandad and Grandma retired from farming they owned a house in Gallatin. My Grandmother Dorothy Hartley grew up in Davies county, and after she retired she moved back to Gallatin for a while. Eventually Dorothy had to be institutionalized within a nursing home there, and she has since passed away. Dorothy has one surviving sister named Irene Frost who still lives in Gallatin. Grandmother Dorothy was the first person to take me to Adam Ondi Ahman, and to talk to me about the Mormons, but her knowledge was not very extensive and I don't believe she ever knew the legend of that land.

Occassionally I get in my car and make the trip, its been a while since I've made that trip. The landscape is very pleasent in Adam Ondi Ahman and there is a natural spring there and a river runs on one side of the property. I believe that some of the property is being farmed at the present time, but part of it is run like a historical park. On one of my more recent trips, I happened to meet an interesting man.

This man, who's name I don't recall, came up to me and greeted me. He said that he had a feeling that we should speak. There was a young girl with him, with long red hair, his daughter. We introduced ourselves and spoke briefly, it turned out that he was not a member of the church, but I never really found out why he happened to be traveling in the area or made this stop. And then he said that he wanted to pray with me, its a rare event when a perfect stranger wants to make prayers with me, and I agreed. I can't remember his prayer word for word but one thing that he said was, this is the Eternal Kingdom after all. This is a very unMormon thing to think or say, but I agreed with him. And then one of the things that came out in our converstaion was the possibility of a family relationship between us. He said that there was a Hopper in his family, and I revealed to his young daughter that my hair had at one time been red. The little girl didn't believe me, but its true, I was a carrot-topped child. My hair just grew darker over time, now its just turning greyer.

Clearly it was a great comfort to this man to know that this is the Eternal Kingdom. And despite the conflict and struggles going on in the world today we will all somehow survive and endure the test of time. But I still felt troubled by the world's problems, it is not enough to believe in our immortality. The suffering and hardship that many people have to endure in life is still real. If only I could make the world a better place somehow, but if I may only succeed in small ways I will never be satisfied, because I am more powerful than that. I could make my stand on the highest mountian in a secluded place and observe that the world is just fine the way that it is. Nobody has ever done anything wrong here, everything has turned out just the way it should have. Like a true Taoist I could be satisfied to think that the soup is just right, we don't need a cook to stir the pot, its ready to be served.

But I am not the cook, I AM the soup!

And if I want to be something else, thats just alright.

Sometimes meeting a perfect stranger is just as good as meeting Christ himself.

There Once Was An Eve

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Eve in my life. Eve survived in the world by giving old men blow jobs and housework, she was an unattractive elderly woman. If she couldn't manage to have roof over her head any other way, she went into the psychiatric wards; and thats how Eve and I met. Her real name was Yevette Parker I believe, and she should definately be counted among the least forunate members of our community. Eve and I became friends at a time in my life when all my other friends had given up on me. At the time I even felt betrayed by my own family, but Eve was my friend. Eve and I spent some hours together playing rummy, a simple card game. Occassionally she told me my fortune with a standard pack of playing cards, and on a few occassions she said that I would save the world.

Its interesting that Eve recognized me at that time, and I never really told her my story. When she said that I would save the world, I just said, "Yes, but I have no idea what needs to be done." I was a very young man back then, I needed more time to think and to plan. It's not quite good enough when we believe something about ourselves, we still do need some kind of external validation. Eve provided me with validation. Eve was the mother of all womankind once upon a time, reborn to a life of missfortune. But I've never subscribed to a belief in reincarnation, I have never believed that I was once some famous historical person. I am only myself, a new person, unique with experiences all my own.

I can never claim to be the biological progenitor of the human species, but I can still be everything that a father needs to be. The Earth is my beloved Wife and I am the Sun. If our Sun could become a man, what would that man be like? I want to be like that man, he is my chosen hero. If the mythical Adam could live and walk in the world today, how would he feel about his children, seeing what we have become? The path of the Great Patriarch is the most challenging path that we can follow, and therefore it is also the path with the greatest potential for personal growth. By choosing this path we choose responsibility, and responsibility may or may not demand action from us. But this is a choice that we all can make for ourselves, if we are mature adults we should choose responsibility for all the world's children. If we are good parents, we should be good parents to everyone and not just our own biological offspring. Because absolutely everyone is a member of the family. By choosing the path of the Great Patriarch we can not choose to exclude anyone for any reason. And I do feel a genuine concern for your welfare, but you are no more or less important to me than someone else.

It doesn't matter if you are more or less intelligent, more or less educated. You may be more senior in years to me as many are. You may have many accomplishments in life or few, you may have accomplishments that I will never match or exceed. But it doesn't matter, you will still be counted among my children, and so will every past King or Queen the world has ever known. I am a King of the Earth, and my Kingdom is a Kingdom of Heaven. For all that it may be limited to my physical self, that is still sufficient territory in the world to be considered a National territory. It is a Kingdom of but one citizen, and we do not have numbers or the force of arms on our side. One is enough to make a difference, and to change the world, even if it may only be changed in small ways.

Does God Have A Plan For Us?

I can never deny the existance of God, I may as easily deny that there is consciouness here on our little planet. And I must proceed as if God has a plan for me. He may be planning that I will endure hardship, but I will endure. I believe that I have already presented the idea that, 'The Kindom of Heaven' and 'The Universe' are one in the same thing. Therefore I exist as a personality within Heaven. Now that I have been made manifest, the Universe will always remember me. I have my own begining within this heavenly kingdom, but now that I am here I can never fail to be a part of it. Clearly there is more to this manifestation than LIFE, and mortality will not rob me of my place here. I will endure in a state of consciousness or possibly unconsciousness, but in as much as I am aware of the Universe I do love it. The Earth is a beautiful planet despite human occupation, indeed I would even go so far as to say that it has been considerably improved by human occupation. The Human species is ONE species and ONE Family, but clearly there is more to LIFE than humanity. And we are a multitude of people, every individual a unique personality, with personal experiences and history. Therefore among all our God-given rights, I would consider the right to good companionship to be one.

If I still wanted to change the World, no doubt it would be a problem for some of the people. Some of the people are enjoying comfortable lives here, with every expectation that they will continue to enjoy life to the very end. To be sure some of the people are angry, and some of the people have always had the will to do violence. We have divided our little world thouroghly, and still there appears to be no end to the number of ways we can seperate ourselves from one another. And we desire seperation and companionship at the same time, in most cases seperation can be made practical reality. But other people do not go away simply because we are ignoring them, and there have always been conflicts of interest.

Sometimes we are willing to fight for our rights in the world, but what rights do we really have that we can depend on? If we all have some rights that are gaurenteed by God, then such rights as these should be in no need of a defender. But we have ventured to say what rights we should have, whether or not they have been gaurenteed by God. And we have imagined that we are deserving of a good number of rights, but all the people just never agree on what those rights should be. Evidently the human population is in need of some forms of Governance, but if God believes that the people need to be governed, he has certainly never stepped forward to do the job. It has been left for us to do that job, sometimes that job has been done in service of the greater good, and sometimes it has been done for ill will. We Lord over one another with varying degrees of success, in small ways and on large scales. Quite often the ultimate arguement is employed to assure our rule over other people's lives; we are willing to apply force. I have a much broader definition of violence than is common or popular, "violence is any application of force."

Wouldn't we all like to enjoy the freedom from molestation? But God has never gaurenteed this to all people equally.

I know that we don't get the opportunity to choose who our companions will be in the world. There will always be some people whom we would not choose, who we want nothing at all to do with. If only seperation were a real possibility for us, much of the worlds problems could be easily solved. But there is no more free land available in our world, we've run out of elbow room, civilization reaches to the furthest corners of our world.

I could be satisfied to leave the world just as it is, even believing that our species is headed for extinction here. And I honestly believe that will happen in a short order of time, say on the scale of 3000 years or so. I have achieved my own personal success here and managed to survive half a lifetime, I will probably survive for a while longer too. I can only hope that my life will be comfortable, but of course I realize that's never gaurenteed. Clearly we know what it means to be alive, and I expect that I will eventually succumb to some mortal end. But I know that I live in the Eternal Kingdom, therefore I believe in my own immortality, what form that may take I don't know. I will never fail to exist, and not only do I believe this about myself, but I believe the same thing about everyone else. Therefore I do believe that we are companions today, and that we will always be companions.

I do not believe that the cause of seperation may ever be served here in the Universe, even though it is truely immense. And clearly there is plenty of room in the Universe for us to enjoy a higher degree of seperation, some habitable planets may exist out there in the great depths of space. If only we could reach them, but for the moment we are confined to this one world. The children of humanity are forever squabbleing over every little thing. Its such a cliche' but i really must ask the question, 'Why can't we all just get along?'

Most people would believe that they may eventually escape from all the world's problems, but I don't have this luxury. Believeing as I do that our little planet Earth resides within the Kingdom of Heaven and within the greater Eternal Kingdom. I'm fairly certain that I will still have to put up with all these people for a long time to come. We may escape life but we can not escape our companionship, because God has gaurenteed it. And I must say I don't like the situation all that much. I'm sure that some people take great comfort in the knowledge that we do live in the Eternal Kingdom, but for myself it is not a comfort.

The Disability Insurance Dilema

This article may provide the reader with a little insight into my life and personal history. At the age of 19 I was diagnosed with a certain medical condition, which falls under the broad catagory of mental illness. By all appearances this is a condition that I was born with, its genetic in nature. At the present time I am considered to be a Bi-Polar person, but I do take medications and they have been quite effective. I have lived most of my life at the very bottom of the scale of social acceptability because of being labled mentally ill.

For a long time i was recieveing dissability benefits here in the USA from the Social Security Administration. This is a kind of insurance benefit that all people who work in this country and pay the taxes, pay for. I have tried to work in the past, and I was successful to some extent; I had a job with the Federal Government at the National Archives in Saint Louis, Missouri. I worked as a mail room clerk for 3 years, on an intermittent contract. As an intermittent employee I was only allowed to work a certain number of hours per year, and when that amount of time had been reached I would be laid off until the anniversary date. Essentially I ended up being fired from that job, and after this happened I started getting the dissability benefits.

Over the course of time that I was receiveing the benefits I also tried to work off and on with less success. Now since my medical condition is considered treatable, and I must admit the medications are quite good these days, the SSA determined that I should be able to work. Therefore I was taken off the dissability benefits, but also the SSA made a determination that I had been overpaid. Unfortunately this has resulted in a rather large amount of debt for me.

In addition to this SSA debt, I also owe a growing debt of child support. I have two young sons and I am legally divorced from my wife, she won full custodial rights and the judge made that decision primarily based on my medical condition. My financial means have always been meager at best, in fact I have always depended on my family for support even during the times that I was employed. After the SSA removed my benefits I went directly to work and paid child support during that time. Unfortunately I have never been successful as a competitive employee in our job market, and I have reoccuring fails at staying employed. Most employers in this country would be unwilling to make the allowances that I would need in order to stay employed, and a few practice outright discrimination.

For the past five years I have been fighting a battle with the Social Security Adminstration to reinstate my benefits. My case has been denied and appealed and denied again. And for all of this time I have lived in retirement in my father's household, I have been entirely dependent on his support for the past five years.
My life has been fairly comfortable and secluded, and although it may have been better in a variety of ways, I have no complaints. In my own mind I have been a successful human-being, I have a few accomplishments to be proud of. Just the fact that I have managed to survive into old age is an accomplishment in itself, I just turned 46 years old. I have managed to become a father 3 times over; I managed to have sex with a woman, in fact more than one. I have become a priesthood holder in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, even though I haven't been a good church goer. And I managed to find God, or at least find out that there really is one. And not only is there a God in Heaven but evidently he's paying attention, and he was paying attention to me one day and I was favored with a sign. The events from that one day in my life alone, is enough to provide the full measure of a lifetime of success in my opinion.

On April the 2nd, 2009 I have to appear in court before a new judge, and my benefits case will be decided once and for all. If I get a favorable decision, my debts will be paid because the SSA will owe me past due benefits. And if I lose this battle, there will be a personal crisis concerning all these debts, and I may very well have to appear in court again before another judge.